Sunday, June 20, 2010

Moving on

Whenever bad things happened to me.. whether it was in the past as a teenager, when something really bad happened to my parents.. or the recent episode of the stolen things.. I find that the hardest part to be that of moving on.

Accepting reality and facing it.. that's the hardest thing for me to do.

It is a lonely journey.. one where no friend, no parent, no husband can go through together. To go through the facts in my head, tell myself that what has happened has happened.. and to just move on.

And so this post is for myself, more than anything.

Here is the difficult truth I have to accept - The things will never come back to me again.

No matter how many times I regret and blame myself for not buying a safe earlier. 

No matter how many times I wished things had turned out differently.

It is in times like this that I find my faith being tested. I'm so used to being in control.. so used to resolving problems for myself.. that in times like this.. when I feel so helpless because I cannot go back to change the past.. that I have to let God be and believe that this will be resolved by God, in a way I cannot see and will not know.

 The view of the sky from my balcony

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This may seem facile but bad things happen to good pple all the time and tt's got nothing to do with God.

I think I know y u are devasted. U probably believe u've treated the "suspect" more than well. But wot's the "suspect's" perspective? Also, there might have been extraneous circumstances that made it necessary to filch your things.

So if u haven't created the opportunity for the theft, there might have been no theft.

That's why when I lose things in my home, I always blame myself first. But even be4 that happens, I try to be careful. Still, not wanting to stress myself with taking a tally of my cash n jewellery all the time, I create a margin of tolerance or anticipation. That is, I am prepared to lose $XXX of cash n goods n so allow myself to be careless up to that amount. That way, I won't get unnecessarily upset when these are stolen and when they aren't, I feel blessed. Anything above that $XXX, I make sure I move out of temptation's way.

Pse don't take what I've written the wrong way. It's my way of expressing my empathy...

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